maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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