I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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