Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
