...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
