she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
