does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
