We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
