he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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