I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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