after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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