Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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