like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
