highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
