Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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