dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My vagina is officially offended.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
