I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
