He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
