I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Randomize
