mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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