careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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