Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
