Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize