thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
