I'm so fucking centered right now
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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