Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
even my farts smell like vagina
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
