After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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