this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
