Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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