why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
