Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
