When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
