we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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