dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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