I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Michael Bay diarrhea
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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