Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
