dude i'm inner monologue high
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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