Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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