a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
