I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
