He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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