i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize