So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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