you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
