i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
