He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
