for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
