Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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