She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
