so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
