remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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