so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
