so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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