I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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