my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just want nice things and good sex
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
