So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
