Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I checked into jail on foursquare
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
