Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
