so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
