You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
