the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
