Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
