Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
