so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
