I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
