If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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