No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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