waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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