So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
