when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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