fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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