please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
