Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
