He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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