Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
