he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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