Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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