You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
