hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
