i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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