a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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