does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
