; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
