its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
