Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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