So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So much rum. So many feels.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
