I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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