at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
