Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
