I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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