You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
