I want to have your abortion
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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