Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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