I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Still dying that you shit outside
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
