Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
