Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
